I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
