Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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