I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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