I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
