I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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