he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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