so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
