Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
