Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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