Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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