Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
