YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
