I feel like abortions should bother me more
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
