Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
