Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
