you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
