Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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