You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
