I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
