as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
