I showed him my bush... on skype.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
