i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
