He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
