I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
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Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize