Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
