im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
