so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
