i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
