Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
it was like eating out sand paper
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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