She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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