Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
