I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
