you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
