I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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