If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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