god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
