He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
