she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
