Is it because I queefed?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
