Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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