can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
