It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
