I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Sober January is a disaster.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
