how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
