The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
not ubering you a puppy
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
