Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
