May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
