why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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