First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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