If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
