I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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