Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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