This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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