3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
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the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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