when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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