If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I need to sanitize my soul.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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