I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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