Welp...herpes.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
