You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
