Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
