saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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