Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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