K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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