you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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