I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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