'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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