Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I puked a lego.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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