How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
