just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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