So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
