U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
