Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
