Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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