Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
