you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
