a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
