Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
