I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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