you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
