i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize