I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
