Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
