She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
