Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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