We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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