there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
