I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
