You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
