ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
